I don’t like horror films. I especially don’t like horror films that deal with the supernatural. I also do not like gore. They leave me feeling unsettled, like something is following me through the rooms of my house. At night, I feel paralyzed if I have to get out of bed for any reason. As someone who has always believed that there must be other dimensions, the thought of them crossing over, of allowing rejected and ill at ease dead to come into our world is probably my worst nightmare.
Even though I haven’t watched a horror film in years, the mere thought that there might be something supernatural lurking in the corners of our apartment makes me uneasy. Sofie can claim to have heard something in the night or the security camera picks up a fleck of dust, and I’m trying to push out any thoughts of fear I’ve had over the years.
And yet. I have an obsession with wanting to like horror films, especially the ones that deal with the supernatural and mess with your head. While I’m watching them, I love the ones with twists, the ones that leave you unsettled just a bit, even though I hate them afterwards. I think there’s a lot to be said for the ominous feelings you can get when the film and the music and the acting all comes together in one horrifying scene. The artistry that the film makers can produce with a horror film is so beautifully terrifying. I won’t say all horror films. I still won’t watch the gore. That, to me, is unnecessary. I can be equally fearful without all of that. All I need is quiet, mysterious moments, a play on the way someone moves their body, a character that seems completely sinister.
My favorite Game of Thrones scenes and themes revolved around the dead. I felt a thrill when the dragon turned, when you finally see the extent of the dead’s army, finally understand the threat coming to the wall.
Currently, I am obsessed with the soundtrack to a movie called Susperia, and the problem is that the trailer is making me feel anxious and completely creeped out. I know the minute I watch the film, I’ll be in need of several silly, completely “normal” movies to take my mind off of it, that I will be wondering when the ghosts and witches and paranormal characters will come out of my mirror to find me. Except. That same trailer is just begging me to watch the movie. The soundtrack is so beautiful, and I am dying to hear it with the scenes, to put them together. And it’s a dance film.
I’m pretty sure I should just move on. I should move on. I should just obsess over the music. I should not taint it with the fear. I shouldn’t watch the movie. I shouldn’t go down that path. I might… I may. It’s not a decision I’ll make right now, but maybe, one day, when I’m older, I will watch it without fear. Or maybe I’ll just give in. For the sake of art.