Sometimes things don’t feel real until we let other people know. When I decided to stop taking weddings, last April, I knew that it wasn’t something I was ready for people to know. This was because of several reasons.
One was that I wasn’t 100% sure I was ready to give up weddings, even though, deep down, I knew I was finished. The other was that I still had one more wedding to photograph, and I knew that I didn’t want my couple to feel like I wouldn’t do my absolute best job for them. And finally, I spent a lot of time debating over whether I needed to do any kind of announcing. Wasn’t it good enough to know, in my own heart, and for my closest friends and family to know my decision?
But today, after months of deliberating, I finally decided that I needed to make the knowledge more public than just writing about it randomly on this blog. I made an Instagram post and announced it on my wedding account so that I could make it obvious to myself that I’m actually done. I’m actually moving forward in my life and pursuing other adventures, avenues, paths. And yes, I realize that avenues and paths are metaphorically the same things, but I’m going to leave that repetitive verbiage there.
The same need to put my losses and celebrations into the universe stems from this same concept. It seems that I need to know that people know what’s going on with me (not for everything, obviously) to make certain hard or exciting things real. Maybe that’s a flaw, and maybe I need to work on letting go of social media, but for now, it is a comfort and relief the moment I start to see my peers support me in something I was too scared to make real before.