Thoughts after a funeral

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I’ll never shake the feeling that I should have done more, should have been a better friend, a better listener. When you lose someone, no matter how far apart you may have grown, the sting, the reality of that loss will never leave.

Today I said goodbye to one of my oldest friends. I listened to stories about her and saw the pictures of her life. Some of the pictures, the ones I was in with her, hurt like a punch to the gut, and the ones I was not in hurt even more. Why? Because I should have been there.

I know that we had drifted. I know that I, rationally, might not have been able to save her, but it doesn’t change the regret I will feel about not holding on tighter to our friendship when I could have.

We get so swept up in our own lives, the day-to-day hustle and bustle of trying to make it, of taking care of our own kids, stressing over traffic or the weather, and it’s easy to let friendships slip. But does that make it okay? Maybe I used to think so, but this loss makes me feel otherwise.

We need friends, we need community, and the effort we put into those relationships is important.

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