My mind has going around in circles all night and all morning, wishing for the moments that are hard to acheive. After planning a party for Sofie and running errands all week last week and unpacking and taking down the Christmas decorations and taking the kids to the doctor and trying to have some kind of organization in this home that is getting too small for us all after arriving in Seattle at 1 am on Monday night, I’ve been going nonstop. It’s been like one long runon sentence.
And all I wanted today was a day to catch up on work, to not do laundry or cook or clean or look at anything except my computer and listen to music until I’ve finished all the things I’ve been neglecting since. Well, let’s face it, since before Thanksgiving.
I stood in my bedroom and wished to just be thin so the idea of not working out today wouldn’t weigh so heavily on my shoulders. And I wished for some quiet with no arguing and no crying and no loud singing coming from the other room. And I wished that I could make everyone I love happy all the time and take away everything that might be burdening them so that I, selfishly, wouldn’t have to feel guilty about taking a whole day for me.
But wishes are tricky. We’ve seen it time and time again, displayed in fictional, fantastical novels and movies. Be careful what you wish for. That’s the message they always send. The wish to be totally and completely unburdened might make us happy for an instant, but we’ll always be left with a hole. The burdens we harbor, the challenges we face, they bring meaning and balance to our lives. We cannot wish them away. When we wish away the bad stuff, the hard stuff, we might actually be wishing away the triumph of overcoming those challenges. And if we’re just happy without burden, can the happiness last? Won’t we always find something new to be upset by?
What if we wished our family joy only, but their joy came with forgetting bits of themselves that were frustrating. They’d become different people. And they’d no longer be the people we loved. What if I wished away the laundry and the cooking and the screaming and the tantrums, but that meant I wished away motherhood or my home or even my husband?
We have to becareful what we wish for. I believe in miracles and beautiful moments in life. I believe in wishing for those beautiful miracles and moments, but I also believe that the struggles are what makes those miracles, what makes life worth living.